Things to Ponder

Questions of the universe scavenged from lots of places.......



3-31-99  (Thanks to Natalie Waddle)
Why is it that five out of four people have trouble with fractions?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

3-31-99  (Thanks to Patricia Kuntz)
If you play a blank tape at full blast, will the mime next door go nuts?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
Why haven't we ever heard of preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, then does baby oil come from babies?
If a crocodile eats a big meal, does he have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Whose bright idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Does pressing harder on a remote control button, when you know the battery is dead, help it work anyway?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to  see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss?  Isn't it a near hit?

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do they call it The Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but he always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of "progress?"

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

8-3-98
If Number 2 pencils are so popular, why are they still number 2?

4-29-98
Why are there InterState Highways in Hawaii?

1-19-98
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?      (Thanks to Jay & Lisa Sweatland)

1-12-98
If you are sitting in heaven talking with God and he sneezes, should you say, "God Bless You!"?

12-30-97
If a turtle loses his shell, is he homeless............or naked?
If a journey of a hundred miles starts with one step, does a journey of fifty miles start with a half step?

11-25-97
If a man is resting in the forest.....and all alone.....and utters a comment.....Is he STILL wrong?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, then would humanitarians be cannibals?

10-26-97
If you throw a cat out a car window, is it kitty litter?
Just how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
How do they get deer to cross the highway at that yellow road sign?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why is there an expiration date on the sour cream container?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?
When a book about failures doesn't sell, does that make it a success?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink when they dry?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants and you yelled at them, would they still grow?  Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?

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